Library Late Fines: Transcending Death and Taxes

Apparently, a woman returning a book to the library after finding it in her mother's home after her mother had died of a massive stroke was asked to pay a late fee for the delayed return of the book. The woman in question noted that her mother had been an avid reader and frequent patron of the library; reading at least two books per week.

The woman was quoted as saying:
"I told him that maybe he didn’t hear me right, that my mother had just died, otherwise I’m sure that she would have returned it on time...His only reply was that, 'That will be 50 cents.'"

This just shows that you can't escape library fines, dead or alive.

The Story

Shoplifting Seagulls...No, Really!

Snopes.com - Shoplifting Seagulls

Apparently, a seagull in Scotland, now dubbed "Sam" by the locals has a penchant for cheese-flavored Doritos that has led him to a life of crime. Sam the Seagull is patient, and crafty. He waits until the customers have left the store from which he prefers to get his chips, and when the moment is right, he dashes to the rack just inside the door, snatches the chips and makes with the getaway.
Sam isn't selfish though. Once he's safely away, he and his buddies rip open the bag and share the booty.
You can even find a video of it on Snopes.com

Little Rock Nine mark 50th anniversary

By ANDREW DeMILLO, Associated Press Writer Tue Sep 25, 7:55 PM ET

LITTLE ROCK - The Little Rock Nine, who as students were escorted by federal soldiers into the all-white Central High School because they were black, marveled at the celebrity-like fanfare they received on the 50th anniversary of the event Tuesday. But they cautioned that racial divides still exist.

"In spite of the progress that's been talked about today, it is not nearly enough for me," said Terrence Roberts, a member of the group greeted with cheers and standing ovations.

About 4,500 people gathered on the front lawn of the city campus, where the high school is now 52 percent black, to commemorate one of the key moments in the civil rights movement. The gathering was one of a series of events celebrating the anniversary this week.

The two-hour ceremony included brief remarks by each of the Little Rock Nine, including Roberts, Melba Patillo Beals, Elizabeth Eckford, Ernest Green, Gloria Ray Karlmark, Carlotta Walls Lanier, Jefferson Thomas, Minnijean Brown Trickey and Thelma Mothershed Wair.

Former President Clinton, who held Central's doors open for the group as they arrived, challenged this year's senior class to address inequality in health services, economics and the justice system.

"What do you wish the story of the next 50 years to be?" Clinton asked.

Cameron Zohoori, a senior at the school of 2,400 students, said he believed that while Central isn't truly fully integrated, the campus is more diverse than ever.

"You look at the students here and look at the diversity and see that this is not the same place it was," said Zohoori, who is Iranian-American.

For three weeks in September 1957, Little Rock became the focus of a showdown between then-Gov. Orval Faubus and President Eisenhower. used the Arkansas National Guard to keep Central all-white, telling a statewide TV audience that court-ordered integration would spark mob violence. When Faubus pulled the Guard away, a crowd gathered outside the school.

Eisenhower authorized the use of federal troops to enforce the desegregation order, and members of the 101st Airborne escorted the Little Rock Nine to classes on Sept. 25, 1957.

Clinton said Eisenhower had a duty to step in after the U.S. Supreme Court's 1954 Brown v. Board of Education ruling that said segregated schools were unconstitutional.

"I'm grateful we had a Supreme Court that saw 'separate but equal' and 'states' rights' for the shams they were, hiding our desire to preserve the oppression of African-Americans," Clinton said. "And I am grateful more than I can say that we had a president who was determined to enforce the order of the court."

Clinton said he was grateful that the Little Rock Nine took action rather than looking to others to pave the way.

"We were nine teenagers who thought this was a place that would accept us, where we would belong," said Green, Central's first black graduate in 1958. "You know what? Fifty years later, I think we were right."

Karlmark said she and her fellow students relied on their parents and the community to support them through the harassment and taunts they endured within the school: "It was difficult for us, but we would show that despite the discrimination, we could excel."

Ever Want an Instruction Manual For Women?

This isn't an instruction manual, but I think it's a good start. I know I've heard some crazy stories about women freaking men out with feminism and I think it's a good idea to let guys in on the lay of the land.
Personally, I spent most of my life enjoying the benefits of chivalry.
When I was younger, it never really dawned on me to just open the door myself if there was a guy around. It wasn't that I consciously thought "They should open the door for me." I was just used to it.
There was my uncle, so the door would be opened for me. I was with my Papa, so I needn't bother with that silly door-opening business. I did go through a phase where I would race my boyfriend to get to the door, but that was more to be ornery than to make some sort of statement. I do believe that he understands that I have the mental capacity to understand a door-opening mechanism and the physical capabilities to operate one whether it be in the car, walking into a building, or what-not. After all, if I had any problems many doors have the helpful "PUSH" or "PULL" stickers. He knows I get it, he's just being a gentleman and who can argue with that?
Now that I'm an adult, I open doors for other people whenever I can, for myself when I need to (duh), and when a man - or anyone else - holds the door for me I try to be gracious, and say "Thank you." It's not demeaning to me; it's a kind gesture on the part of the door-holding person and they should be rewarded with courtesy, not punished with acerbic commentary. You wouldn't chastise a child for trying to be polite, so why would you you that to any adult who has far better understanding of the give-and-take between human beings?
That said: enjoy the article.

From The Times

September 24, 2007

Because we’re worth it

Who knows best how men can be chivalrous without being sexist? A woman, of course – so Debrett’s asked E. Jane Dickson to write their new guide

Chivalry is not dead. It’s just been keeping its head down for a bit. And who can blame it when the line between courtliness and condescension has become so blurred?

A damsel, however, need not be in distress to enjoy a considerate gesture.

You’re not required to spread your cloak for your mistress’s dainty feet, but she won’t feel remotely undermined if you help carry the shopping. Strike the right note and both of you should benefit from your knightly services.

THE MAN YOU ARE

Related Links

• Excuse me, it’s time for gallantry

• In praise of priapic men

• Are men cleverer than women?

Stress is not sexy. There’s a certain kind of man who uses stress as a measure of self-worth (“look how many people want a piece of me”), and he’s not the man we’re after.

Clutching your forehead every time your BlackBerry bleeps does not mark you out as an alpha male; it makes you look like a salary monkey on a short leash. Nothing is more impressive, in our time-poor era, than the man with time and attention to spare for others.

An air of ease, natural or cultivated, can be a killer advantage.

The easy-mannered man appears to be in control in any situation. This should not be confused with a controlling personality. Our 21st-century knight knows how to get things done his way without huffing, hectoring or “do-you-know-who-I-am?” arrogance. He displays the kind of social confidence that puts other people at their ease, and a physical confidence that has nothing to do with macho posturing. You feel that if push came to shove, he could slay dragons or, at the very least, see off a mugger, but pushing and shoving really isn’t his style.

Above all, the chivalrous man is a grown-up.

THE BASICS

Just as men subconsciously prefer women whose waist-to-hip ratio bodes well for childbearing, we recognise that a man who has been “nicely brought up” will be a better father to any future offspring. Rough and ready Heathcliff types were fine as a teenage fantasy; in the adult world, however, they are an embarrassing liability.

The basics should be automatic. “Please” and “thank you” are not optional. Punctuality is important. Perpetually running late does not mark you out as either a very busy (for which read unbelievably important) person or an insouciant maverick. It exposes you as an arrogant incompetent who thinks that his time is more valuable than other people’s.

Ditto the increasingly common and irritating habit of making and taking endless mobile phone calls, text messages and BlackBerry messages while out in company. You may think this makes you look popular. We think it makes you look like a techno-nerd who can’t organise his life. It also suggests to us that you don’t think we are very important.

Respect for elders is nonnegotiable, whether the elders in question are your parents, our parents or strangers. We’re more impressed when you offer an old person your seat on the bus or train than when you offer it to us (same goes for bag-carrying and door holding, etc).

Similarly, we love it when you make an effort with children. You don’t have to come over like a Blue Peter presenter – just show a genuine interest in their concerns.

STREET MANNERS

Yes, we do know how confusing it is for modern men. We’re just not sure why it’s so confusing. We’ve heard the spluttered arguments about how we want equality one minute and chivalry the next but, darlings, it’s really not so difficult. We enjoy being treated like a lady, but we don’t want to be patronised. Remember this important distinction and you won’t go far wrong.

Most women, these days, recognise that the benefits of feminism will not evaporate like faery gold if a man holds the door for us. The door thing, frankly, is not a deal-breaker. Just don’t make a huge production out of it (the loud “Ladies first” exclamation is unnecessary, annoying and reminds us of a halitotic old schoolmaster).

On the street there are practical reasons – more to do with mud from the wheels of messenger bikes than impromptu sword fights – why a man should walk on the kerbside of the pavement. When this is not easily achieved, we’d rather take our chances than find you dancing around us in awkward circles.

We don’t need a guiding hand in the small of the back as we cross the big, dangerous road, but a friendly, shepherding arm may be appreciated in dense and rowdy crowds. There is nothing at all untoward in helping us on with our coats, as long as it’s done with confidence and helps rather than hinders us. Just don’t – unless the friendship has already progressed well beyond outdoor clothes – start smoothing down the lapels and tucking in our scarves.

The real skill lies in knowing where to stop. Standing up for introductions and goodbyes is basic good manners. Bobbing up and down every time we leave or enter a room soon becomes farcical.

Remember, your main aim is to increase your companion’s comfort. If you chance upon a woman who sincerely objects to “sexist” gestures, you should give in gracefully and without comment. Insist, and the advantage is lost.

FLIRTING

Good flirts can’t help themselves. They flirt with everyone. It’s not so much a seduction technique as a form of chivalry; a refined politesse designed to make the other person feel good. Bad flirts have quite the opposite effect.

Non-sexual flirting is a powerful social and professional tool, but it should never be a transparent attempt at self-advance-ment. Nor should it come over as a performance. You are not setting out to be charming, you are setting out to be charmed. If you’re evidently taken by a new acquaintance, they’ll mark you down as a person of good judgment and all kinds of advantages will accrue. But this kind of flirting must be evenhanded. If you are obviously more impressed by the younger, prettier or more influential women in the company, you will appear merely creepy. Remember that social/professional flirting is a mind-game. Physical attentions are intrusive and inappropriate; in the work-place they are also illegal. So keep it light and cerebral.

If, on the other hand, you’re genuinely looking to “score” with a member of the opposite sex, you need to narrow your focus. The object of your affections needs to know she’s special, so cut back – at least in the opening stages – on compliments to mothers, sisters or best friends.

Romantic flirting is all about frisson management – an intimation (and no more) of physical closeness. Holding a look just a heartbeat longer than is usual in everyday polite conversation, a light touch on the hand or arm (not the knee as it makes you look like a lecherous uncle) or an “accidental” brushing of shoulders or arms are proven means of testing the waters.

If the lady freezes, back off. At this stage, only you and she know of the attempt and you can retire from the field, dignity intact. Persist and you risk a public brush-off, as well as an unhelpful reputation as a sex pest.

THE PROPOSITION

No woman ever thought badly of a man for asking her out on a date. Even if she declines the invitation, she will be disinclined, for reasons of personal vanity, to write you off as a desperate loser.

So go for it. You should not be shocked, in these modern times, if the woman does the asking, but it makes sense – particularly if she has made her liking for you obvious – to seize the manly initiative and get in first.

Arranging a first date by text or e-mail may seem casual to the point of cop-out.

Sometimes it is the most practical method, but techno-invites need to work harder on “tone” to maintain the sense of occasion. “R U UP 4 IT?” lacks romance.

Whether making arrangements face to face or by telephone, come straight to the point. “Would you like to go out with me some time?” sounds too much like a sweaty-palmed teenager. “Would you like to have dinner with me on Thursday?” makes you sound like a man with a plan and leaves room for a graceful get-out (Thursday may be the very night she does Pilates, visits her mother or washes her hair). If there’s a genuine diary clash and she does want to go out with you, she will make this clear. You can then make arrangements for another evening.

There is nothing nerdy in turning up early for a first date, particularly since your companion will know about it only if she’s early too. We’ll see it as a good sign if you’re there waiting for us – it is distinctly unchivalrous to keep a lady waiting alone in a public place.

If you are unavoidably late – we’re talking “acts of God” here, not a careless attitude of “things dragging on a bit” at work – call ahead (never text) and let her know. She will want to know if you’re talking about minutes or hours – a bald “I’m running late” provides her with no indication of how long she’ll have to wait.

Half an hour is about the maximum amount of time you can expect us to wait; a quarter of an hour is not a capital offence, but still requires apology.

There is no excuse, bar hospitalisation or family crisis, for cancelling on the day of the date. It is unforgivable to stand a woman up. A phone call, however abject, does not meet the case; we may not even pick up. A bunch of flowers delivered the next morning may just secure a second chance. But make it a big one.

MONEY

“Going Dutch” on a date is never an option – not even, one imagines, in Holland. Splitting the bill is fair and modern in principle, but in practice you may as well write “I never ever want to see you again” in letters of fire across the night sky.

At the beginning of a relationship, it is widely accepted that the person who issues the invitation picks up the tab. If you have been invited out by a woman, you might still offer to pay, but concede the privilege if she says “no” and means it.

GOOD TALK

Women like to talk more – or at least talk about more – than men. This can make conversation between the sexes tricky. Men, on the whole, are interested in the general exchange of information. Women – not all women, but enough women – will sift each sentence for subtext.

You say: “That restaurant is always full of screaming kids.” We hear: “On no account get emotionally attached to me as I am a dyed-in-the-wool commitment-phobe who will never, ever want to settle down and have babies with you.” You say: “That dress really shows off your figure.” We hear: “Dear God! What kind of whorish get-up is she wearing?” And so it goes on . . . It’s nobody’s fault; it’s really just the way women are programmed. And it’s also why eye contact is crucial in any kind of verbal seduction. To make us feel comfortable while we chat, your eyes need to beam full approval. If it’s clear from your reactions that you are also listening to what we are actually saying, then it’s an incalculable bonus.

What we say, will, in all probability, be on the abstract side – hopes/dreams/interests/fears. You will, naturally, wish to counter this talk with accounts of contracts won and penalties scored. You will assume that, because we keep on asking questions (in the dogged hope of establishing emotional contact), we are enthralled by everything you say. If we fancy you, we won’t terribly mind. If, on the other hand, that deal has yet to be clinched, there are certain steps you can take to turn conversation to your advantage.

First, you need to set a timer in your head. If you have been talking about yourself for more than ten minutes, then it’s time to switch roles and ask some interested questions about your companion. Secondly, you need to listen to the answers. Listening well means remembering what we say and then using this information at a later juncture.

Watch closely to see which subjects engage and animate us the most and keep these topics well shuffled and ready to play. Find a way of making it clear that you admire our ideas and opinions just as much as our décolletage (talking to our face, not our chest, is the ideal starting point). Should you run into an emotional/ ideological impasse, laughter is your “get out of jail free” card. Just don’t make every joke an evasion technique. In fact, go easy on jokes per se. Aim for more female-friendly observational humour whenever possible.

Don’t be afraid of short natural lulls. There’s nothing like a pause in conversation – no longer than a heartbeat – to crank up the erotic charge, particularly if accompanied by some meaningful eye contact. Too much silent staring, however, will scare us and if you overdo the “companionable silence” at the beginning of the relationship we assume you are bored. Remember, a woman in love will forgive just about anything you say. It’s what you don’t say that spooks us.

©Debrett’s Limited 2007.

Extracted from Manners for Men: What Women Really Want by E. Jane Dickson published by Debrett’s, £12.99. Available from Times BooksFirst for £11.69, free P&P. 0870 1608080, timesonline.co.uk/booksfirst

The Elves Made Me Do It

I understand the guy's probably just a cracked pot, but my questions are as follows:
What happened to personal accountability?
How did he get the job in the first place?
And why, oh why, are they not freaking out a little more over his cases?

Fired Judge Blames Elf for Court Mishaps

Posted Sep 17, 2007, 01:50 pm CDT
By Debra Cassens Weiss

The Philippines Supreme Court has asked a fired judge who claims he is assisted by three elves to stop making threats of “ungodly reprisal.”

The court kicked Florentino Floro Jr. off the bench largely because of his belief in the supernatural, the Wall Street Journal reports (sub. req.). A medical clinic determined that the judge was suffering from psychosis.

Since then Floro has battled to get his job back, appearing on TV and winning converts who seek his healing powers. At the same time, a series of unfortunate incidents have befallen the supreme court justices or their families, including serious illnesses and car accidents.

Floro says the person to blame for the mishaps is one of the elves, "Luis," a "king of kings" who is an avenger. He told the newspaper that the elves help him predict the future, but he has never consulted them when issuing judicial decisions.

The Supreme Court has not reversed any of Floro’s decisions since firing him.

Surname Apparently Offensive...but only on the third or fourth time

from fark.com

Oregon family's name deemed offensive — on their license plates

By The Associated Press

MERLIN, Ore. — A Merlin family has been ordered to turn in the vanity license plates for their cars because the state finds their Dutch name can be interpreted as offensive.

The plates, UDINK1 UDINK2 and UDINK3 are on the vehicles of Mike and Shelly Udink and their son Kalei.

Two of the plates are 5 and 7 years old. One was issued last year.

Last summer Kawika Udink's application for Udink4 was rejected and the state ordered the other three plates returned.

The plates are now invalid and the 90-day temporary registrations sent to the family in June are also likely expired, according to David House, spokesman for the state Driver and Motor Vehicle Services Division.

The plates were deemed offensive by a 10-person DMV panel that approves custom, or "vanity" plates, which cost an extra $80.

House, who serves on the panel, said the reasons were the sexual references that can be associated with the name, which can be treated as a verb.

"DINK has several derogatory meanings," wrote panel member Yvonne Bell. She said it also can be a racial slur, especially toward Vietnamese.

House said the "U" in the front could be construed as "You."

It seems unreal to Mike Udink, whose name is Dutch. He says it is a common name in the Netherlands.

"Since when can a panel dictate whether your name's offensive or not?" asked Udink, a lineman for Pacific Power.

The family wonders why the plates were fine for years, then recalled.

"Somebody pointed it out to us," said House. "We get dozens of requests every day. We can miss things, and we have. Sometimes we let it go and see if we get complaints."

House said the state has the right to censor license plates, because the state owns them. Family names, it appears, are not immune.

"When people drive down the street nobody knows your name," House said.

"We know some people have names that match something. We've also had a lot of references to ecstasy that we've pulled back in the past five years, because it became a nickname for a drug," he said.

Michael Udink's second cousin, Dennis Udink, of Price, Utah, tried to get a rule change allowing family names to be exempt but failed.

The DMV denies requests for any combination of letters and numbers that may be viewed as objectionable, in any language, by use of phonetic, numeric or reverse spelling, or when viewed as a mirror image, or that would alarm or offend a reasonable person, although some howlers have gotten through.

Intimate body parts or sexual or bodily functions are taboo as are references in an alarming or offensive manner to race, color, gender, ethnic heritage, or national origin or to alcohol or drugs or paraphernalia.

Copyright © 2007 The Seattle Times Company

I Can't Do One-Quarter of the Things My Father Can

(*cheerfully stolen from a forwarded email)
Or: It's not a competition, but you're losing

A highly speculative and unscientifically conducted survey indicates that most American males between the ages of 18 and 25 seem to be incapable of performing many of the chores and duties commonly fulfilled by their fathers.

The activities in questions would not initially appear to be directly related to having a child, though the presence of one may thereafter necessitate their constant use and development.

As young men in this age group approach their thirties, it is increasingly less likely that their fathers will be in a position to pass on their knowledge, leaving the next generation of fathers hopelessly at the mercy of more qualified personnel.

Taking Care of Things

Fathers born in the 1940s or 50s--and please bear in mind that this will not apply to all of them--seem to demonstrate with much greater frequency the ability to 'Take Care of Things'.

Being in possession of this blanket set of skills crucial for the operational fluency of daily life, they become indispensable to the family unit, developing auras of respect and--notably--competence.

They include, but are not limited to:

• Plunger Operation
• Woodworking
• Toy Repair
• A knowledge of adhesives

With general practical knowledge of:

• Automobiles
• History
• Science
• Plumbing
• Electrics
• Lawncare
• Taxes

And the ability to speak in a commanding tone of voice to:

• The Phone Company
• The Cable Company
• The Electric Company
• The Gas Company
• Other Adults

In Comparison

Many of the fathers of current 18-25 year olds became so during that stage of their own lives; several years younger than is typically seen today. But an examination of the skill set of current members of that demographic reveals a startling discrepancy; we can't do one-quarter of the things our fathers can.

We are generally capable of:

• Mac and Cheese preparation
• Ramen preparation
• Alcohol consumption

With general practical knowledge of:

• Video Game Platforms
• Twenty-four hour delis

And the ability to speak in a commanding tone of voice to:

• Other children

Skills within the group vary, of course, and some in this age group can take care of many more things than others. Nonetheless, preliminary studies suggest that at the same age, we are much less able to Take Care of Things than our fathers.

How Did This Happen?

Obviously, it is theorized that the environment in which current 18-25 years olds grew up was vastly different than that of their parents. The 1960s, according to most media sources, was a very turbulent decade that changed the course of parenting and the common perception of appropriate responsibilty. Young men who worked in their teens, saw their own fathers go to war and faced the horrors of Vietnam naturally developed the ability to Take Care of Things at an earlier age.

That's as may be. However, it still does not really explain why so many young men cannot operate a drill press, band saw, or angle grinder, and are absolutely stuck when the air conditioner breaks down or toilet backs up. The phone company and car mechanics can charge willy-nilly with little or no resistance, and the house can crumble around our ankles while we wait for the landlord or contractor to do something about it.

Many an older father would not and did not stand for such things, whereas many people now at the same age stand for pratically everything. It is by no means common knowledge what it costs to install a dishwasher. Yet somehow, Fathers seem to have an almost innate sense of when they're getting ripped off. How do they know? When did they learn?

More grant money will be required to further research the phenomenon.

What Becomes of Us?

Certainly, times are different; things come a few years later than they were once wont to do. But in what context now can these skills be learned? Shelves still need building, the basic principles of miniature golf and astrophysics need explaining, the light switch still has to be rewired. The additional time taken between college and family seems not to be providing these lessons, and we are at, past, or fast approaching the ages at which our Fathers had us.

And all things being equal where Taking Care of Things is concerned, we still persist in deferring to the authority of our Fathers, who, if nothing else, can at the very least lie convincingly about what they know, and make a good show of trying.

Action!

The few things that seem to travel in the blood-an unflagging faith in duct tape, the ability to make a sandwich out of virtually anything--are insufficient.

The many young men out there both twenty-five and fifteen at once must take action. Attend training seminars, tinker with electrical sockets. Learn the ins and outs of the fuse box, build a table or spice rack. Clean out the gutters, buy a studfinder.

We cannot have our eighty year old Fathers up on the roof every time the TV Antenna goes on the fritz.

Take care of things.

Police: Naked Man Tries To Rob Pa. Convenience Store
Last Edited: Wednesday, 19 Sep 2007, 6:35 AM EDT

Created: Wednesday, 19 Sep 2007, 6:35 AM EDT
By The Associated Press

CARBONDALE, Pa. -- Lackawanna County authorities say a man wearing nothing but a hat tried to rob a convenience store in Carbondale.

Police say the 24-year-old man charged in last month's robbery attempt often stands naked in front of the window of his apartment. He was first arrested on an accusation of exposing himself to two women at his apartment building. Carbondale Police Sgt. Thomas Heller says the man ultimately confessed to being the one who tried to rob the store -- and said he did so because he was bored.

The clerk at the store kept her cool during last month's robbery attempt. She refused to give the man money and dialed 911. The man left, still undressed, without getting any cash.

------

Information from: Josh Brogadir/WNEP-TV, http://www.wnep.com

Copyright 2007 Associated Press. All rights reserved.